Becoming a failure.

Dear Mom,

It's been a pretty rough week. I'm just glad it's all over for now. Mapayapa lost it's meaning to me this past week, the good times had to end sometime I guess.

Last week was full of trials. Lots and lots of trials.

Everything started out not too bad. I played a prank on the other leaders in the house and put baby powder on their white seats while they were away, and when I came home that night, they thought it was hilarious that the stood up and both had completely white butts on their black pants. 

I repented a few minutes later.

I've made the comment that baby powder is like the Atonement and humidity is like the effects of the Fall of Adam. Baby powder corrects the effects of humidity. 

When we walked into our room last night, we found out that that prank was a bad idea. Our whole room was covered in baby powder.

You couldn't really see the extent of the effects on the camera, but it was pretty good. They took two huge containers of baby powder, turned on our electric fans, and let the good times roll. I wanted to be mad, but it was a good job.

After that, trials came in every direction possible. I felt like I was in the middle of a tornado, getting hit with trials and situations in every direction. It was time to make it through another storm.

I felt like I was failing at everything. Failing my leaders, failing my companion, failing my area, failing my family, failing my friends, failing myself. The world is sad and gloomy when it seems like you try your best to help, but can't do anything right. But instead of choosing to be the emo-teenager I probably would have chosen to be a few years back, I decided to study it out, and figure out what exactly is failure and what I could do to battle it.

Failure happens to everyone. Most dictionaries define it as the opposite of "success." Sometimes failure happens because of imperfections, or what we assume to be imperfections, and sometimes failure happens because the outcome is just not meant to be.

What I've learned though, is failure is all in your head. There is no concrete definition of what constitutes failure, it's all about how you look at things. For example, if my goal in life were to be a drug-addict or an iron-chef - I am clearly failing right now serving a mission.

Our aspirations and dreams usually determine whether or not we are failing or succeeding in life. For me, my biggest goal in life is to be able to raise a good, righteous family, and I believe serving a mission helps me to prepare for that. Ultimately, I'd like to see my family reach forever. So when the steps I take aren't efficient steps to get me there, frustration often follows.

In battling failure, I've found that we can confide in two things that I've found in the scriptures. The scriptures tell us that temporal things, even a man's own strength and heart, will fail him. But eternal things, things of heaven,  will never fail us. If we cling to those things when it seems like all is lost, then we can be assured that as long as we take steps in the right direction, there will be Someone reaching out to help us through.

After all was said and done - probably the best thing this week that happened is that I could shine a little doing one of things I loved the most in conducting the Mapayapa Ward Choir. Things couldn't have been better, and the stake leaders were very proud. And even if it was the only thing I didn't fail at this week, at least I had one.

The most important thing I've learned this week is that to say that something or someone is a failure, it means it's finished. An ending product. When we label ourselves as such, we throw in the towel and give up.

On some accounts I have failed this week, but on more accounts I'd like to think I've succeeded. I believe that Satan, the father of lies, would like us all to think that we are all failures and point us to see our mistakes and let us define ourselves by them. But as Pope John Paul II said, God does not look at us or define us as a sum of our mistakes and failures - so neither should we. Remember: God's children are not failures.

Love,
Elder Corpuz

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Anger: never the answer.

Dear Mom,

It's good to hear that Jason made it okay to Australia. I'm sure he's having the time of his life. And yeah dad, haha how cool it must be to be able to say that both of your children are in foreign countries right now. We'll be home soon.

We just finished week one of this transfer, and lots of cool things usually happen in week one.

On Tuesday, we played a game called "Bulag na Kabayo" or "Blind Horse" at our first zone meeting, which turned out to have absolutely no relevance to the lesson haha. We were blindfolded and were told give directions to our companions to make it all the way back around and were each timed to see who could do it the fastest. My companion and I got last haha, because Elder Azuela doesn't seem to know right from left. My previous companion, Elder Taulelei, being the big, friendly giant he is, nearly destroyed him, his companion, and the course in the process haha. It was a great icebreaker game. The zone is looking good this transfer here in the mission's heart - Fairview.

Elder Taulelei plowing through the course.

He ran straight into the door.

On Wednesday I conducted exchanges with Elder Hicken, a brand new elder from no where else but the missionary factory of Utah. He reminded me a lot of dad - didn't say much, but put his heart into everything he did. Maybe he didn't say much because he didn't really understand any Tagalog or couldn't speak much haha, but what was important is that he tried, and everything he said, although very slow, was correct. I was a bit shocked because he told me he knew who I was before because he had been following my blog. Apparently if you google the mission's name, my blog is one of the first things to come up. It's crazy to know that anyone could be reading my emails!

Friday we had a leadership training and I got to give a portion of it for the first time. It was pretty nervewrecking having to give it in front of the other leaders and President and Sister Sperry. I honestly didn't feel that it went well, but president did his best to reassure me - now I don't know if that was because it was actually good or if he just felt bad for me because it went so bad haha. You'll have to check out these pictures of me washing the dishes in the mission home. The rice pots and cooking utensils are HUGE! Getting to spend a pretty good chunk of time in the mission home being a leader is a pretty good incentive I'd say.

On Saturday we did some service for the Lagro barangay, headed by Brother Botor. Brother Botor is an amazing church member. He is in the High Council in the Fairview Stake and is over, in short, community service. He's done his best to work with the Barangay in serving Lagro and the Lagro Ward. (Lagro actually comes from the word "milagro" which means "miracle" just in case you were wondering haha.) While we were waiting, Brother Botor quizzed us on a bunch of church history and most of us were completely stumped the whole time. His knowledge of the church just amazed me. He also told us a story about how the national hero, Jose Rizal, commented in his journal that the most beautiful place he saw while in America was in Utah. For service, we cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. These are the brooms we use called "walis tin-tin" which look just like Harry Potter brooms. Elder Hand and I got some time to fly them for a bit. Only in the Philippines.

Brother Botor annihilating us at church history.

Getting ready for Quidditch practice.

This morning while I was washing my clothes, I tried to think of what on earth I was going to email home about this week. Every week seems to have a theme, but I just couldn't figure out what this week's theme was.

Then while I was scrubbing my clothes and filling up the other tub I was going to rinse them out in, I started to hear what sounded like screaming. The water was pretty strong so I couldn't hear very well, so I turned it down in curiosity to see what it actually was. It was a sad realization.

I hung my head down and started to feel tears run down my face as I listened to the unfortunate reality.

I would say the worst thing about Filipino culture is that Filipinos are very easily brought to, motivated by, and act on anger. The noise I heard was a very, very angry mother, screaming so loud that you could hear it through her house verbally abusing her child, lots of banging and crashing, and one crying kid. It's something that is generally accepted here in the Philippines and is something we see and hear on a fairly regular basis. It took every ounce of me to just sit there and wash my clothes and not go next door and help the poor kid. In tears, I said a prayer in my heart hoping that the child would be okay.

This week, I realized that my lesson was on anger.

Anger is an emotion provoked by nothing and no one else but the devil. It is what the devil uses to stir the hearts of men. It's effect is inevitably broken relationships and broken families left with depression and loneliness.

Everyone is prone to anger, because it is a part of the appetite of the natural man. It is of the flesh, and is not of God. It's a physical want, like lust or addiction, that cannot be satisfied. Sometimes we feel like letting ourselves be controlled by our anger is the solution to problems. I know that it is our decision about how we will react when we are moved by this emotion.

Anger is controllable. Something I've thought about is how some people say they "lost it" with someone or someone "made them angry." I feel like this is a poor excuse. How many times do people "lose it" with supervisors of jobs or other important political figures in their lives? But when it comes down to people we love, especially family members, people seem to "lose it" very quickly.

Yesterday was fast and testimony meeting at church, and the theme seemed to be, with every random speaker, about how the Gospel blesses families. Old couples came up and talked about how they gospel has helped them stay together over the years. Other wives talked about how they were raised in broken families, but were able to raise a good family when establishing it on the Gospel. Others talked about how the ward had become their family. It was all about family.

In thinking about that poor kid, and the many poor kids I've seen subject to verbal and physical abuse, it's made me see how hard Satan is trying to attack and break apart families, especially here in the Philippines. I believe that it would be accurate to say that the majority of broken families here and around the world are from people not being able to learn how to control their anger. Anger which has tempted them to say things they usually wouldn't say and do things that they usually wouldn't do.

I'm happy to know that the Gospel, when lived, corrects this in families and blesses families. That I will have a wife that will never treat any of my children like how I've seen. There are, in life, essentially God's way to deal with problems, and some other way. Correcting children, or anyone out of anger has never and will never be effective. It always leaves both empty and broken. I've seen this in my relationships with my companions and experiences as a leader in and outside of the church. Correction should always end with an out-pour of love which is something that is unfamiliar to anger. Love and anger are like milk and oil or light and dark - they are polar opposite and neither can exist or mix with one another.

This week, I've done my best to control my own anger and not let it control me, and I've promised myself that that is something I will never take from this culture. I've found that taking a deep breath when I'm angry, taking some time, and praying, always helps me to let go of that flaw of mankind and embrace the love of the Savior. Love is really the only way to go. Anger is never the answer.

Love,
Elder Corpuz

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Small and simple things.

Dear Mom,

It's crazy how much can happen in a matter of days. For you non-Tagalog speakers, (ehem Jason & Farah) "pa" means yet or still. So the subject of my last email literally means "Peaceful still." I thought it was a cool little jingle - mapayapa pa.

Elder Taulelei's last day was simple and a little sad. I was going to miss my big, friendly giant companion who couldn't hurt a fly. We were treated to bowling that day, and I didn't do so well haha. Marcie nearly creamed me, who has only bowled for the second time in his life. It was a nice way to end the transfer. 

Transfers came out really surprising, especially for the elders in my district. I felt like all my elders grew up that day. All my juniors became trainers and all my seniors became leaders. Elder Taulelei literally moved right across the street and is now training as a leader, still here in Fairview zone. My new companion's name is Elder Azuela from Bicol. He's a cartoonist and a really humble elder. He's always willing to help. The past few days have been really stressful, and I wear my emotions right on my sleeve. He'll ask me, "Elder, what's on your mind? What are you thinking about?" and of course my response is just to smile and say nothing, even though there obviously is something. Elder Azuela always jokingly responds back though, "Just think of your thoughts as a pizza. Let's half it. Tell me what your thinking about it and we can half it so I can think about it too and you don't have to think about all of it." I love that kid.

It was nice to see some familiar faces at transfer meeting. When I walked in the cultural hall after the meeting, Elder Posadas screamed my name and tracked me down. He had just gotten a small package from his family who sent a really cool shirt, same size as Elder Posadas, for me, from the "Sinulog" festival in Cebu, which apparently is a really big deal. Thank you couldn't describe my gratitude.




I also saw Sister Ajiz who is a bit of a miracle story. Sister Ajiz was in my zone at Valenzuela and is from Pakistan. Unlike the other foreigners, foreigners from Asia don't get the opportunity to learn Tagalog here in the Manila MTC, they are just expected to learn it all by themselves. Many of these missionaries give up quickly and go home. When I saw Sister Ajiz that day, I automatically assumed that I had to speak English to her, but she replied in straight Tagalog. And not even just a little, incorrect Tagalog, it was fluent, well-versed Tagalog. The last time I saw her about two months ago, she couldn't so much as speak let alone understand. I was nearly in tears seeing the progress she had made and the determination she has to learn the language to be able to help the people. She's an inspiration.

Saturday was an amazing day. It was Kuya Marcie's birthday and it was full of lots of activities, not just your ordinary church activities though.

I'm really impressed by this ward. The Philippines' area focus right now is saving the members who have left the church which right now, is over 500,000, mostly from lack of visiting from the members. Marcie and I talked about for awhile last week, and in response, he acted. He gathered the SA (single adults) on his birthday, and instead of having a normal party-like activity, he called the SA together to act, trained them, and sent them out to teach and find those families that had gone astray. We were able to attend and then took some of the SA with us to our lessons. It was a great help. Afterwards, we had some food at Marcie's house to celebrate his birthday. Elder Azuela and I also put together a very small, funny present for Marcie. I'm pretty sure he loved it.

  

Right after the activity, the sisters in the ward held an activity that night too. Another visiting activity as well. In efforts as well to strengthen less-active families, the sisters have decided that their activities as well will be devoted to strengthening families by holding a "family home evening" once every month at a different family's home. This evening was dedicated to the Failma Family.

Sister Ortiz in the green gave the lesson about families, she is also an Ilocana like nearly the rest of the ward.

One small piece of paper rips easily.

But a book, as a binded family, is very, very hard to rip.

This was our game - teamwork. Trying to stack matches on an RC bottle.

We lost haha.

One of the hardest weeks of my mission, yet bearable because of those around me. I've realized in the mission how much I value the "small and simple things" just as the scriptures tell us.

This week, I've received a lot of these small and simple things - straight from the heart. These things, are more important to me than gold, because of the love and thought behind them. To me, there is nothing that says I love you more, than an act that shows that someone took time out of their day to do something for you and just think of you, for even just a split second. Whether it be a shirt from a loving family, kind treats from my kuya's girlfriend, Rebisco crackers from kuya when I was hungry, a lollipop from my twin, when I was hurt. Notes from friends that come in greatest times of need. Hugs that comfort in times of despair. Simple things that make you feel special. Simple things that make you know that you aren't forgotten. Simple things that say I love you.

A small key chain Elder Posadas made of our favorite sayings.

 In Elder Posadas' father's last letter, he shared something that really touched me. He writes:

"Every person that we meet, does not come to us by accident. Every situation we meet along the way, will surely be moments of learning. And everyday, should not go to waste without us learning from whatever mistakes we make or good that we do."

I know that that's true. All these small and simple things - people, moments, mistakes, and good - all bring to pass great things in our lives if we let them. They show us that others love us. They show us that God loves us. They are the things that matter most - the thoughts and love that money can't buy. 

Love,

Elder Corpuz

Happy 24th Birthday to Kuya Marcie.

And without forgetting, a Happy 21st Birthday to my sister Farah.

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